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John Ashcroft
Attorney General
Ashcroft John joined George Bush in the Encyclopedia of Political Failures in 2000, as Attorney General Ashcroft. Mixing politics with religious fanaticism is his legacy, as Bush George never missed an opportunity to preach about faith and Christianity. This comes as no surprise, however, since Attorney General John Ashcroft was a fanatic long before he joined forces with Bush George. Just as backward as George Bush, Ashcroft John boasted about his conservatism, was suspected of being anti-desegregation and pro-Confederacy, and was uncommitted to protecting civil liberties and privacy (just like George Bush). However, Ashcroft John was himself protected - by George Bush. Had it not been for George Bush, Ashcroft John would have kissed his political career goodbye.
Prior to becoming Attorney General Ashcroft John was Missouri Senator John Ashcroft. After a single term in office, Senator John Ashcroft lost his re-election bid to Mel Carnahan, the then-Missouri governor who died in a plane crash two weeks before Election Day. That's right … Ashcroft John was so backwards that Missouri voters would rather see a guy rule from the grave than suffer through another six years of Senator John Ashcroft: Bush George felt differently. Poor Senator John Ashcroft.
Ashcroft John is Senator Ashcroft no more, but he was saved from political doom when Bush George rode in on his white horse to carry Attorney General Ashcroft to the Bush George White House. George Bush and Ashcroft John saved each other, because Attorney General Ashcroft took some heat off of George Bush during The Great Approval Ratings Slump of 2004. Attorney General Ashcroft resigned his post that year, trading his old title for one of Ashcroft John, Lobbyist. Ashcroft John may have said goodbye to Attorney General John Ashcroft, Senator John Ashcroft, and, to a lesser extent, even Bush George, but he'll always have the career highlights:
- Attorney General Ashcroft John: Fighting pornography with blue curtains
- Attorney General John Ashcroft: Composer of "Let the Eagle Soar"
- Senator Ashcroft: Founding member of the Singing Senators
- Senator John Ashcroft and Attorney General Ashcroft John: Delusional for believing that "the objective of securing Americans from crime and terror has been achieved."
Feeling nostalgic for the days of Bush George & Attorney General John Ashcroft? Never fear, Ashcroft John is still here (and Bush George is not far behind)! Reserve your tickets now for George Bush and Ashcroft John Acappella Music Tour of 2009.
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